A Book for All My Daughters

No, no new letter yet.  But I have something just as good!  Last fall I was asked to contribute to a book about childbearing years.  The authors all have two things in common.  They have all given birth throughout their childbearing years.  Some had many children (like me) and some had only a few, with long time spans between having babies.  The second thing they all have in common is that they are women of faith.  Faith in the God of the Bible, and they each recognize that He is the author and creator of life, and that God uses our childbearing years to create us to be Christlike.

Relinquishing control (or perceived control) of our bodies to the creative work of pregnancy and childbirth has many correlations to the walk of a believer.  We have to take a back seat in order to really see the glory of what Christ is doing in us.  If we fight against God and choose to give in to our natural desire to control our lives in any way, then we are not allowing God to be Lord of our lives, and we will suffer for it.  If in no other way, we suffer from stress.  Because we are not God, we are not created with the ability to control most things, so when we try, we are putting stress into our lives.

Anyway, all that to say that this book is a great collection of stories.  Stories of faith and trust.  Stories of learning to recognize God's hand even in times of difficulty.  Stories of triumph and stories of intense heartache.  I wish all women of faith could read this book and learn of these women who have, in so many ways, "Been There, Done That."

Three Decades of Fertility was released in paperback and E-book on July 29!  You can use the link near the top of the right side bar for ordering (I will get a commission on your order so thanks in advance for ordering using my link!  With two trips to an Eastern European to rescue Priscilla, I'm sure any extra income will come in handy!).

But without further ado, please watch the trailer below, and click on the image in my side bar to read more about this book, and get a sneak peak at some of the stories, as well as other parts, of the book!

Friendships - How to be a Friend, How to Choose a Friendship

Dear Daughters,

Friendships are just a natural part of life, right?  Everyone has friends, right?  Everyone has a "best friend", right? No, not necessarily!  Friendships do not develop naturally - we are all selfish by our human nature so we tend to seek a friendship to meet our needs, and that is not a good basis for a friendship.  Friendships often spring out of the natural situation of activities that we do with other people, but those are not necessarily friendship that are good for us.  So how can we develop friendships that are beneficial to us and glorify God, and who should we be friends with?  


First, let's talk about friendship in general.  But what, exactly, is a friendship?  One definition I found is "a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard"  I think that is a good place to start.  But friendships come in all shapes and sizes!  There are several levels of friendships - acquaintances, casual friendships, intimate friendships and spiritual mentoring friendships.  For simplicity's sake, I'm going to put friendships in to 4 categories -  Acquaintances, Casual, Intimate, Mentor.  


Acquaintance Friendships are those who you know because you are involved in similar activities - church, sports, classes, neighbors or possibly close friends of your family members or friends.  You know them by name, and you may have talked with them a few times, but you are not connected to them in a close way.


Casual Friendships are those you know better than acquaintances, and you might even have their phone number on your address book on your phone.  You probably talk with them regularly, but might hesitate to share intimate things with them.  This type of friendship can come and go depending on your stage in life, or your activities.  If you no longer do the activity that you share with that person, the friendship might fade away, but yet if you run across them later you enjoy catching up with them.


Intimate Friendships are those where you are so close that you can share things with them that you would not share with anyone unless you have a high level of trust in them - and they feel the same way about you!  These are the friends whom you choose to spend time with whenever you can, and they are the first people you try to make contact with when something good or difficult happens to you.  These friendships tend to last a long time - even if the common activity that brought you together is no longer part of your friendship.  These are usually lifetime friendships.  Even if you get busy and forget to call them, when something big happens, they are still the first person you call!


Mentor Friendships are a close relationship with someone who is teaching and helping you through the stages of your life, or it might be that you are teaching and helping someone.  Usually this is a relationship between someone older and someone younger in physical age, but it might be that the two are older and younger spiritually speaking.  This friendship may be short term, or long term, depending on your situation.


Before I go any further, let's see what the Bible says about friendships!  


In Job there are a lot of interesting interactions between Job and his friends.  They gave him mostly bad advice!   He was discouraged by his friendships. He says "“I am a joke to my friends, the one who called on God and He answered him; The just and blameless man is a joke."  And also "“My friends are my scoffers; My eye weeps to God."  God even takes Job's friends to task, saying, "“My wrath is kindled against you and against your two friends, because you have not spoken of Me what is right as My servant Job has."  Friendships can be a source of encouragement or discouragement!  I found it very interesting, and this was new to me, that it says in Job 42:10 - "The LORD restored the fortunes of Job when he prayed for his friends, and the LORD increased all that Job had twofold."  


Proverbs has a lot to say about friendship - in Proverbs 17:17 it says "A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity" and in 18:24, "A man of too many friends comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother"  Many believe that this friend who sticks closer than a brother is referring to Jesus!  It also says that "Faithful are the wounds of a friend".   In Proverbs 13:20 it says "He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will suffer harm"


Ecclesiastes has a very profound comment about friends and companions - "Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up."


Jesus talks about friends a lot, and much of it is not favorable - "But you will be betrayed even by parents and brothers and relatives and friends, and they will put some of you to death" but He also says much about the value of true friendship - "Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends" and "You are My friends if you do what I command you", and "No longer do I call you slaves, for the slave does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you".


James says that Abraham was a friend of God because he believed what God was telling Him. He also states that "You adulteresses, do you not know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God."


But all that doesn't really tell us much about the ins and outs of friendships, but it does tell us that God created friendship for the benefit of humans, and that He values friendship highly.  Friendships can be something that really adds to our life, or it can cause much heartache.  Friends can lift us up and inspire us to live a better life, or draw us down into the depths of depravity!  Much of my life I have been trying to make friends and maintain friendships, with many successes, but many failures as well.  Some of my greatest pain has come from friendships that have gone bad, but many of my friendships have given me the strength to keep on going, and others have inspired me to seek the Lord and excel in my relationship with Him. 


What I really want to share with you today is what I have learned about friendships - how to be a friend, who you should seek to have as friends, and who you should avoid having friendships with.  There are also other things I will share along the way.


Acquaintances, in general, are friendships that we don't have a lot of control over.  These friendships are developed when we are participating in our community.  But we can be careful about what activities we become involved in, carefully thinking about the kind of people we might encounter and the possible influence on your life, either for good or for bad!  I'm not saying you should never rub shoulders with unbelievers, because we are called to be light in the darkness!  But if the majority of our contacts outside our home are with unbelievers, this could have a detrimental influence in our lives.  God brings people into our lives for our good and His glory - and their good as well.  So think about the acquaintances in your life and your interaction with them - are you a light in their darkness?  Does your interaction with them allow them to glimpse Jesus?  Do your actions and words make it known that you are a committed follower of Christ?  Do you ask the Holy Spirit to use you in the lives of your acquaintances?  You really should.  And pray that He would lead you so that you might do His will, not your own.  When God puts it on your heart to share your faith with another, pray and then proceed!  Only God saves, but He often uses imperfect human being to do His work here on earth, and don't you want to be used of Him?


Casual Friendships are those who you are closer to than an acquaintance, and you should take care who of you acquaintances become your casual friendships.  Casual friendships can be a great way to invest in the life of a non-believer, sharing your love for the Lord in a deeper way.  But casual friendships can also work the other way - the allurement of the world and wrong priorities and thoughts can work their way into your heart and dampen your love for Christ, causing you to lose sight of His will for you each day.  This is especially true for young women.  Worldly girls tend to be preoccupied with things of this world - clothes, worldly music, boyfriends and immoral behavior like drinking, smoking and doing drugs.  There are even many young women who claim to be Christians, yet they are constantly thinking about boys, clothes and money.  A young woman who want to be a woman after God's own heart should have her mind stayed on Christ and seeking to become a mature Christian before she ever thinks about marriage - and "thinking about boys" has nothing to do with marriage, and can lead young women to behaving in a way that is certainly not being a light in the darkness.  So don't let you friends chose you, you must carefully chose who you spend time with, so that you can keep your focus on serving Christ in the lives of your friends, and not be pulled down by spending too much time with girls that are worldly minded.  But that doesn't mean that you can't have a friend or two whom have purposed to be a friend in order to inspire them to live for Christ, but be very careful that you are strong in the Lord and going in with God's leading.  


Intimate Friendships are those that last.  These are often referred to a bosom friends. I take that as meaning that you are so knit together that it would tear your heart to lose this friendship.  These friendships take time and purpose to develop, especially for young people who are homeschooled, as the time and opportunity to friendships outside your family can be very limited.  But, speaking of family, have you ever considered that the best resource for a lifetime, intimate friendship is your family?  Your siblings have been raised the way you have, and they are available almost 24/7!  Don't discredit your siblings when you think about intimate friendship.  Your sisters and brothers will always be your sisters and brothers, but the close friends of you childhood may no longer be in your life when you are a young lady, and the close friends of your youth may no longer be bosom friends when you are an adult!  The life we lead, the stages we go through, can change so much and you will always find that your closest friends are those with whom you share the most in common in your beliefs, you current stage of life and your style of living.  That doesn't mean that you can only have close friends who are very similar to you, but it is much easier to share your happiness, difficulties and dreams with those who are in similar situations as you are.  


Intimate friendships are so important in life.  As Ecclesiastes pointed out,  having a friend by your side (or being beside your friend) through tough times give us the strength to carry on, and God uses these friendships in our lives to meet our needs.  We must turn to our Heavenly Father first, but He has put your close friends in your life for a purpose, for both you and your friend!  These friendships must be cultivated, and they should be with like-minded Christian girls and women.  They don't have to be your age (some of my closest friends are nearly half my age), but they should be traveling the same spiritual road as you, so that you can both give and get encouragement to stay true to Jesus.  But you might ask, how can I cultivate this kind of friendship?  It takes purpose - get to know them, ask them questions about what they like, find out what their hobbies are, share with them your spiritual journey.  Being a friend takes putting the other person first.  Pray for them, ask them how you can pray for them.  When you are planning something, include them in the plans.  Try to invite them to events that you are attending.  Invite them to your home.  Make gifts for them, or send them little notes saying that you are praying for them.  Find out when their birthday is and do something special for them.  Don't look to your friends for what you can get from them, look to see how you can invest in that person's life to encourage them in all they do.  Be their cheerleader!  Rejoice when they are rejoicing, comfort them when they are hurting, share life with them and take time to call them just to talk!  


Spiritual Friendships are those special friendships where you have agreed with that person to share your spiritual journey intimately with them, and they with you.  This type of friendship is difficult to develop, and sometimes it's hard to find the right friend to fill this spot in your life.  This might not even be something that lasts a lifetime, but it can.  Spiritual friendships are purposeful - they are a commitment between two close friends to pray for each other, share struggles and create goals for spiritual growth and ministering to our families.  This requires a deep trust.  Are you trustworthy?  Are you good at keeping a secret?  Can your friend trust you because they know that when they share something personal with you, you keep it between the two of you and the Lord?  You need to be trustworthy in order to develop and friendship like this, so if this is an area you need to work on, take it to the Lord and ask Him to help you develop this character trait.  


I have a question for you - when you tell someone you will pray for them, do you?  Do you keep a prayer list so that you can remember to pray for those you have committed to praying for?  If not, start today.  If you are already doing this, then I suggest you take it one step further and begin to journal your prayers.  These two steps are great ways to prepare to have an intimate spiritual friendship when the Lord brings it into your life.  Pray for this kind of friendship, and that the Lord would lead you to the right person.


I want to encourage you to work at your friendships.  Take time and energy to invest in the lives of those friends who the Lord has brought into you life, who share your goals and spiritual walk.  Look for ways you can BE a friend to others, how you can minister to your friends and acquaintances.  Never "read between the lines" with friends.  Take them at their word.  Be ready to forgive, and slow to take offence.   Be careful to choose wisely those you spend your time with.  Pray for godly friendships, and that the Lord will teach you to be a godly friend.  Defend your friends when anyone says something against them, and never say anything about your friends unless it is positive and encouraging.  And invest in the friendships God has placed in your home - your brothers and sisters.  You'll never regret it.


Lastly, I want to point out that the friendships that you are involved in and developing in your youth are an excellent tool to equipping you to be a loving wife.  The best marriages are based on an intimate friendship!  I am not recommending that you foster intimate friendship with boys or men outside your family, not at all.  But when God brings that special someone into your life, the experiences you have had with your friends and siblings, as well as the developing of the skills of being a true friend will have prepared you to be your husband's best friend, confidant, help-meet and cheerleader!

All My Love,

Mom

First Things First

My Daughters,


Before anything else is said, the basis for everything is your relationship to Jesus Christ.  I am not talking about going to church, reading your Bible, attending Bible studies, going on missions trips, or even praying before meals.  I am talking about a relationship with God the Father, through the blood of Jesus Christ, and the indwelling of the Holy Spirit.  Without that, everything I am going to share on this blog is meaningless, temporary, and self glorifying.  And you will find it impossible to apply the things I am sharing over the long haul, because the Bible does not say "I can do all things because I am woman", but "in Christ who strengthens me.


So I'd like to take time to talk about how to find the strength to be all the we can be as women, and how to bring glory to God in our lives.  To begin, let's assume that you believe that there is a God.  Secondly let's assume that you believe the Bible to be true and God's inspired written word (if you don't believe these, please visit All About The Truth ).


The question you need to ask yourself is "Am I saved by the blood of Jesus Christ".  If you are relying on saying "the prayer" to ask Jesus into you heart, you might be sadly mistaken.  If you are relying on your goodness, you are sadly mistaken.  If you believe in God, that Jesus Christ is His son, that He died on the cross, and that the Bible is true - you have lots of company since the Devil and all his henchmen believe the same thing!  You say you go to church and read the Bible and do many good things?  Not good enough...those are good things, but in and of themselves they are nothing.  Jesus said in Matthew 7:22 - 23 "Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles. Then I will tell them plainly,'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers'".  These people came with high qualifications - prophesy, miracles, casting out demons...pretty impressive isn't it, yet Jesus called them evildoers!  So the question you must ask yourself is, "Does Jesus know me? Do I have a relationship with Him"


To have a relationship with Jesus Christ means that you believe that God, the Father, send His only Son, fully man and fully God, the only perfect man, to take our sins on us and pay the penalty for our sins by dying in our place.  "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Son, that whoever belives in Him will no perish, but have everlasting life" Jn 3:16.  In Romans 5:8 God tells us that "while we were still sinners, Christ died for us".  Romans 3:23 says "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God".  We all know we are sinners - it's obvious!  No matter how hard we try we can not be perfect (ever told a lie?  Then you are a liar...ever taken anything that wasn't yours?  Then you are a theif).    So how can we make up for our sins?  Romans 6:23 tells us "For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord".  We can only pay for our sins by dying and going to hell...but we can never get to heaven because God can not be in the presence of sin.  But God knew this, and loved us so much that He gave His ONLY Son, to live on the earth, live perfectly and love perfectly, and the be beaten and spit upon and hung to die in order to pay for your sins and mine.  2 Corinthians 5:21 says, "For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him."


But how do we get that?  How can we get this free gift of eternal life?  Can I just say "the prayer" and then it's all taken care of?  Yes and no.  Romans 10: 9 - 10 says "if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.  For with the heart one blieves unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation."  You receive God's free gift of salvation by believing that Jesus is God's Son, that He died for you sins on the cross, and He rose again from the grave to give us eternal life with Him.  "For whoever will call on the name of the Lord will be saved"


Confess that you are a sinner, that you can not save yourself.  Tell God that you believe His word and that Jesus died for you.  Commit yourself to turning from your sinful ways and thank Him for his forgiveness.  That is where it all starts...


Is that all?  Do you now have your "free get out of jail" card and you can go about your business?  Not at all.  Recognizing Jesus Christ as your saviour is the first step and the forgiveness of you past sins is complete...but what is next?  Let me give you an illustration - let's say a young man courts and wins a young ladies affections, asks her to marry her, goes to the church and says his vows, kisses his lovely bride and then walks out of the church never to see her again, or maybe he'll stop by the house once in a while and ask her for something...and maybe once in a while he'll tell someone what a wonderful wife he has and all that she's done for him.  Does he have a relationship with his wife?  Does she know him?  Is he fulfilling his vows?  Is he showing his love and growing in his relationship with her, getting to know her likes and dislikes...maybe making changes in his life to make her pleased with him??  Does this ring a bell?  So many have "said the prayer" and then act like that man - go on living their lives just as they want, ignoring the One who laid down His life for them and living as though what pleases Him doesn't matter at all.


This relationship with Jesus Christ is the process of making Him Lord of your life.  Studying Christ's life, God's commandments...to see what pleases Him.  If you love someone, don't you want to do things that please Him?  God loves you so much that He wrote it all down in the Bible - things to bless you, to make your life a blessing to others, and if we follow His commands you will be blessed.


But you still sin?  Yes, we all sin.   But the question is, is your life marked by sin - are you continuing to sin habitually over and over again without remorse?  If so, question your salvation because when you accept Christ as your Savior, the Holy Spirit comes to dwell in you and is your guide - He will make you aware of your sins.  Once you are saved, you should study God's word and seek to apply it in your life.  Becoming Christ-like is a life long process and it takes dedication.  When you sin, confess it and ask for strength to overcome it the next time around.  Your life should become a ray of light in a dark world of sin...if your friends and family don't see a change in your life, then there probably hasn't been one.


If you are saved, then put God first in your life.  Give Him the first time in the day - read His word, do Bible studies, read books that teach you how to apply God's word in your life, find a mentor who is mature in his/her walk in the Lord and learn from them.  Pray genuinely every day, without ceasing...God hears your every prayer and will answer your every prayer.  But remember that God is not a lucky charm - He will answer your prayer according to His perfect will for you so sometimes He may answer with a "no" or "wait"...but pray and share with Him everything.


If you haven't read it yet, the best book I have found for women to grow in their relationship with God is "A Woman after God's Own Heart" by Elizabeth George.  This book helps you figure out your priorities as a believer and how to bring your faith into every area of your life.  If you are a new believer, or a believer that struggles to live your life in a way that is pleasing to your Lord, please get this book and read it - look up the passages she uses in the book and use it as a tool for your morning time with the Lord.  You will be blessed if you persevere, I can guarantee it!  I read this book almost 2 years ago and it is the single most influential book (next to the Bible) I have read in my entire life - through the application of that book I have grown in my walk with the Lord more than in any other time of my life.  I wish I could have read this book when I was younger, much younger!


So, that is the foundation of all I will share - are you saved and making Christ Lord of your life...does He KNOW you and do you KNOW Him.




With all my Love,


Mom




PS If what I have shared with you here enabled you to claim your gift of salvation, or to take the steps to making Christ Lord of your life, I'd love to hear from you!  Please leave a comment or email me !




**I have used the Roman's Road for much of what I have shared, and you can read more on The Roman Road.Org

My Purpose

I have been blogging randomly for a few years now.  It started as a business blog, and then I began to blog about the happenings around our home.  Because I am a mother to many, 11 to be exact, and run a home business my blogging has been sporadic at times, and dealt with all kinds of topics.  But lately I have been wanting to do something more purposeful with blogging.  After mulling this over for a few weeks, and praying about it this morning, I found a purpose for a new blog.  Letters to my daughters.


But why letters to my daughters in such a public forum?  Because my daughters encompass more than just my biological daughters, but they will be the focus of my posts.  I have mentored many young women through the years, both in my extended family as well as friends of my daughters and other young women who have come into my life.  These are my spiritual daughters.  They are not always available for teaching on a regular basis, so a blog is a great way to put all the things I want to share with them in a place where they can be found, anytime!


I am also inspired to put these things in a blog because someday I might not be here or able to share these things with my daughters.  I have no idea how many days God has given me to spend on this earth serving Him.  I may live to be over 100 years old like my grandmother, or I may only have a few days/weeks/years before I go home to be with my Lord.  I may live out my days with mental clarity, or I may experience things that make me unable to share these things with my daughters.


God has taught me so much through the years, things that I never learned growing up and things that have been lost in our culture.  I want to be able to pass on these things to my daughters so they can start their lives so much better equipped than I was.  This will enable them to better serve God all their lives by fulfilling the high calling of godly womanhood right from the start.  Not floundering like I did trying to "keep up with the Jones's" and beginning my life as a home maker with little to no skills, and following the world's advice as to being a wife and mother.  I want to equip my daughters so that they enter marriage and motherhood with a good supply of the proper tools (and I'm not just talking about kitchen gadgets) and a strong relationship with their Lord that will carry them through the tough times.


I hope you are blessed by what I will share with you, and I pray the Lord will use this to equip many young women to make a difference in our world by fulfilling the High Calling of godly womanhood.